Assalamu'alaikum. A lot of things have happened that I think I've lost most of myself. May be it's just a phase of transition or may be even emotional turmoil, who knows? But I really have got to get myself together again and move forward. The sooner the better. What's wrong, you might wonder. Well, nothing much.. I just had a miscarriage again after one year and a half, that's why. I can't even begin to tell how strange this thing has made me feel, but let's just say I feel N.U.M.B if that's even the word best to describe it. But you know what? I've done every single thing imaginable to take care of myself and the baby in my womb. Bed rest? Yep, even that. But God obviously had another plan for me, the one that I'm yet to figure out. In the meantime, keep breathing is what I intend to do.
One thing to make things much easier is to keep myself occupied with loads of works, so yesterday I began doing just that. After resting for 2 straight weeks I kicked off living a busy life. Groceries yesterday, appointments today. I still feel occassional pain in the abdomen but nothing beats the suffering in my heart. I'm still very much sensitive, which concerns me a lot. I guess I haven't got the time to let go and cry. I just refuse to do that this time. I don't know, may be it's not the right time yet?
Let me work things out and get back to you, okay?
~ Nai at Tak Pe Je.