In Other Words

Salam. It's complicated sometimes to put into words what's inside your deepest soul, 
don't you guys think?  Words seem to fail us in lots of important occasions. 
Like, when we needed the right words at the right time, we stumbled. 
So we ended up not saying anything exactly it meant to be. 
Rings any bell? Well, join the club.. happens to me all the time! 

What bothers me the most is that I can't seem to find the right word in Malay 
when I'm supposed to speak the language in an important event. 
I had no choice but to blurt out any English term that crossed my mind there and then. 
I couldn't bear to pause more than seconds, now could I? 
Not without much embarrassment, anyway.  
Likewise, when I'm supposed to speak fluent English, 
the only phrases keep dancing in my eyes are Malays! 
Life can be so cruel sometimes to Tak Pe Je.

And I was not very good at expressing my feelings either. 
Not when I was in front of someone I had a crush on, at least. 
Too shy to even try, most of the time. But too bold not to give a shot either. 
Confusing explanation, even to my own ear! I was much, much better with words. 
Written words, actually. Still am. Very much so. 
But apparently I've become less shy and much bolder, ehemm..! 
Must be the profession I've been in, I
Then again, I've become even greater with words as well. 
So, writing has emerged to be my masquerade, my inner strength somehow.

I still remember how I approached a guy back in high school. 
I juz couldn't take it to be guessing anymore. So I was like, what the heck, juz go and ask!
So I did. My God! It took me ages to come to the exact points. But somehow I survived the embarrassing series of stumbled words. I braved the risk of being rejected for I hated to be put in puzzle. If he said no, then I could you know, move on. If he said yes, then I could get to know him better. Sounds simple. But it wasn't easy. I don't think I could do that again now. What was I thinking? May be that's why... I wasn't even thinking. Now that I think a lot, sometimes too much, of course I wouldn't have the guts to do such thing, now would I?

Anyways, we've come a long way from our adolescent years, right? 
Thought we'd never get over heartaches and loads of growing pains but we had.
We did alright. Let's give a pat on our own shoulders, you guys!
In other words, we did it our ways...

And someday, let's juz point-blankly say to someone we care:
I Have Always Had
Would Always Do
Love You

So we have nothing to regret even if we are not loved in return.
The way that we want it to be.
For Love Is Not Conditional Upon Acceptance.
In Other Words, 
It's Purely Ours, Exclusive Rights of Our Own Hearts.
Be At Peace With Our Own Feelings.
The Rest Is None Of Other's Business.

With that, I sign off for now.



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