Salam. Semalam (Isnin) Junior pagi2 dah kena marah dgn aku. Kopiah dia sebijik pon takde. Baru beli yg baru Jumaat lepas, itu pon dah lesap. Sepanjang aku duk lipat baju over the weekend takde pon nampak kopiah. Mesti dia pi campak mana2 hala pastu tak ingat letak kat mana. Memang terbaek dari ladang sawit la dia kena basuh, kan? Kena pulak aku nak cepat, lepas hantar dia gi skolah nak kena turun Ipoh, ada hal urgent. Lambat karang, sape nak ambik dia balik skolah? Laju je air mata dia menitik, mata kuyu pandang aku. Takde maknanya, aku dah jadi singa. Worse, terhegeh2 nak carik pencil case bagai. Malam tadi org suh tido awal, baik je dia layan Digimon. Tanya semer dah beres nak gi skolah, udah katanya. Saje aku nak tengok setakat mana udahnya. Haaa... Kan dah padan dgn muka aku!
Yesterday (Monday) Junior got me really mad very early in the morning. He apparently misplaced all his kopiahs, including the newly bought last Friday. Even I didn't see any throughout the weekend when I sorted and folded the dried clothes. He must have thrown them wherever he could think of and totally forgot about them altogether. Of course he got some nice and volcanic high-pitched notes from me, what do you expect? I was in a rush to get to Ipoh for an urgent matter and be back on time to pick him up the same evening. He cried ever so softly, eyeing me with his sad, sad looks, which was too bad for I was in rage already. Worse, he wasn't even ready with all the stationary needed for school. He got all his time last night and he chose to watch Digimon right till the end. And when I asked if everything was ready for school he said yes. I intentionally wanted to see how ready he was, which served me right. Served me right!
Dalam keta daddy dia riba, ajak borak macam2 nak kasi dia kurang sedih. Aku sepatah pon tak tegur dia. Fokus baca istighfar utk hari Isnin, walaupun susah yang amat. Daddy dia pon know better kan drpd tegur aku, defend Junior atau yg sewaktu dgnnya. Takde sape nak tgk aku jadi Hulk. Adik ipar yg bawak keta lagi la diam kematu, kejap2 jeling aku ikut cermin tengah. Ada aku kesah?
His daddy sat at the passenger's seat with him on his lap, had a small talk with him to ease his sadness. I didn't bother to say a word at the back. Instead, I concentrated in such a struggle on reading my Monday Istighfar. His dad knew better not to say anything, defend him or anything alike. Nobody wanted to see me turning into Hulk. My brother-in-law who was at the wheel zipped his mouth shut, looking at me through the mirror every now and then. I couldn't care a bit.
Hujan lebat betul sepanjang perjalanan. Jalan pon jam la, of kos. Sempat la aku bertenang dan composed balik sebelum sampai skolah Junior. Aku ambik beg dia, hantar dia kat tangga. Masa salam dan peluk-cium aku, tak mau dia pandang aku. Ye la, org tak biasa jumpa mummy macam singa, kan? Dalam sebulan belum tentu sekali nak tgk mummy macam tu. Kot2 nak tengok selalu, acu cuba try test, kan? Aku pon tak rela tgk diri sendiri meletup2 macam merapi. Itu yg aku paling tak suka. Yg aku paling hindari. Tapi aku tak nak tengok Junior besar jadi org lepas tangan suka hati dia aje. Dah 8 tahun pon umurnya. Aku dulu dah jaga adik2 dan siap jaga mak sakit lagi kat rumah umur macam dia tu. Tapi ye la, kan.. Aku dulu mana ada maid. Nak harapkan mak uruskan semer benda, adik2 sape nak tengokkan? Now that dia dah xde maid, kena ikut cara aku. Nasib la. Nama pon sayang anak, kena la bagi didikan yg betul. Takpe la kalu aku kena tinggalkan ofis dan keja dari rumah selama2nya pon, aku tak kesah. Janji anak aku jadi orang. Bukan jadi orang yang kopiah sendiri pon tak reti jaga. Tapi orang yang tau jaga diri, barang2 peribadi & hargai kasih-sayang & pengorbanan ibu-bapa.
It had been raining all the way, which made the traffic really bad. That at least gave me ample time to breathe in and out, re-composed my emotions before we reached Junior's school. I took his bag and send him at the stairs. He didn't even look at me when he kissed and hugged me. He wasn't used to such a treatment from me. If he ever wanted to see more, well good luck to him. I hated it myself, least that I loved about TPJ. Been avoiding it, knowing myself fully well. But I couldn't afford to see Junior grow up to be a brat, now that he was 8 he could use some responsible in his hat. I took care of my siblings and even my sick mom at his age. But then again, I never had any maid whatsoever. If I relied everything on mom, who was going to handle my brothers and sister? Now that Junior no longer had any maid, it's gotta be my way. Too bad. That means love to me, so that he'd grow up a better person. Even if it means I've gotta leave the office and work from home forever, I don't care. So long as my son would know to be responsible of his old self, belongings and appreciate his parents' love and sacrifices.
Nak sampai Ipoh daddy dia still ambik jalan tunggu & lihat. Macam la aku reti marah lama2 pon. Bila dah abis keja kami dan makan tengahari kat Restoran Simpang Tiga, baru la dia borak beriya dengan aku. Padahal aku diam sebab pikir kan Junior. Sedih sebab aku dah marah dia sebegitu rupa. Terbayang2 dia kat mata. Ralat dengan keadaan aku sebagai org yg berkerjaya, sampai anak jadi mcm tu. Banyak yang tak kena dengan diri sendiri. Biasa la, dilema wanita zaman sekarang. Tak sabar aku nak ambik dia balik skolah kul 4pm. Damage control la, konon2nya.. Rasanya daddy dia pon paham. Tu yang dia sengih aje bila aku cepat2 turun keta pi carik Junior kat library, tempat dia selalu lepak lps kelas. Kali ni Junior dah pandang aku masa salam & cium aku. Tak abis2 cakap Thank You kat aku, tak paham pon untuk apa yg duk terima kasih sgt tu.
His dad still chose to wait and see, might be thinking I was still in bad mood. He started to talk a lot over lunch at Simpang Tiga Restaurant, Ipoh once we finished our matter. I was in fact thinking of Junior. I felt so bad to have scolded him like that. Even kept seeing him before my eyes. Got this pang of guilt, torn between my career and motherhood. Sort of blaming myself for what he'd turned into. What a price to pay! A common dilemma of a career woman at this modern era. And I just couldn't wait till 4pm to fetch him up at school. Yeah, you can call it a Damage Control. His dad must've understood it perfectly. That's why he was all smiles when I hurriedly went off to find him at the library in which he usually hang out after class. This time Junior looked me in the eyes when he greeted & kissed me. He kept thanking me, not sure for what.
Lepas kejadian tu, sebelum tido dia dah siapkan semer barang dia. Jenuh bgtau aku, dia kemas bilik, sapu lantai bagai, ajak aku tengok. Of kos la aku pegi tengok, ambik hati dia. Bagus la, aku puji. Timakasih la tolong mummy, aku cakap. Good boy, aku kata. Senyum sampai ke telinga dia, ketat hati aku. Aku tau dia dah paham apa yang aku cuba sampaikan. Dah selama ni pon dia selalu diingatkan, kalau mummy & daddy marah sebab sayangkan dia.. Aku harap sangat dia akan selalu ingat dan paham dan ambik iktibar sampai bila2.
He made sure everything was ready for school before going to sleep after that fateful Monday. Even made his bed and swept the floor, really eager to show me. Of course I went to have a look, for his sake. That was awesome, I complimented him. Thanks for helping mummy, I told him. Good boy, I said. He smiled ear to ear, my heart was tight. I knew he got what I wanted him to learn. All this while he'd been reminded that if mummy and daddy scolded him that was for his own good, because we loved him. I do hope he'd always remember that and take it with him forever and ever.
Thanks all for reading, love you for that. Until next time, Sayonara. Much Love, Nai @ TPJ.